14 & 15 Mar 2026 (Pastoral Page) CHILDREN: BLESSING OR BURDEN?

by Asst Ps Timothy Lee

Two significant family-related news made headlines recently: Singapore's number of marriages has reached its lowest point since COVID-19, and the Total Fertility Rate (TFR) has dropped to an unprecedented low of 0.87.

I took the opportunity to ask a few of the couples attending the Pre-Marriage Course on what their thoughts on the low TFR are. Their response: “Cost of living and the cost of raising children.”

Their concern is understandable. The cost of living has increased in recent years, and raising children today involves significant financial responsibilities - from daily expenses to education costs.

My own journey with parenthood, however, turned out quite differently from what I expected. When we got married, we did not expect to have children due to my health condition. Yet God surprised us and blessed us with three children, who are now 15, 13, and 9 years old.

Looking back, I can honestly say that raising children has not been easy. Parenting stretches us in ways nothing else can. When our children were babies, sleepless nights were common. There were the constant demands of feeding, caring and learning along the way as parents. There were also health concerns for them, as well as financial adjustments and lifestyle changes we had to make.

Parenting often means giving up convenience, comfort, and control over our schedule. There are moments of exhaustion, uncertainty and overwhelming feelings.

Yet parenting is not without its joys. There is satisfaction in witnessing their significant milestones, from their first steps to graduating from kindergarten to primary school, and from primary school to secondary school.

Today, two of my children are in their teenage years. While this stage comes with its own challenges, I must say I enjoy this season of life. Conversations become deeper, personalities become clearer, and I begin to see the young adults they are becoming.

More importantly, as Christians, we recognise that children are not just another addition to the family life - they are a heritage entrusted to us by God. (Psalm 127:3)

Proverbs 22:6 reminds us that parents are to “train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it”. When God blesses us with children, it is also about discipleship - helping our children grow in faith, character and love for God.

One of the unexpected blessings of parenting has been how much it has shaped my own spiritual life.

When my son Theodore was a toddler, we had a simple habit. Whenever we returned home and entered the multi-storey carpark, we would say, “Let’s pray for a parking lot.” Of course, eventually there would always be a lot somewhere—the real question was just how many levels we would have to drive up before finding one!

We would thank God whether we parked at ground level or at the top level. It was supposedly meant to teach him to pray and to trust that God hears and answers our prayers. Yet it became a reminder to me to have childlike faith: God always provides!

Parenting also taught me something about sacrifice. As parents, we willingly give up sleep, time, energy, and resources for our children. We do it because we love them.

In doing so, I catch a small glimpse of a much greater truth: the love of our Heavenly Father. God demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice when He gave His Son for us through Jesus Christ. What we experience as parents is only a faint reflection of that divine love.

Family life—especially marriage and parenting—is often where God does some of His deepest work in us. Within these relationships, we are confronted with painful truths about our own sinfulness: our impatience, selfishness, and limitations. Yet at the same time, these moments also reveal hopeful lessons about sanctification. Through them, God patiently shapes us to become more like Christ, teaching us to trust Him and depend on His grace.

Parenting is not simply about raising children. It is also about God raising us.

Once, I met a primary school classmate for coffee, and when I learned that he had twin children, I jokingly exclaimed, "Wow, you have double trouble!"

But he quickly corrected me, "No, double blessings."

Perhaps this is the mindset shift we need when we think about children. They are not merely another responsibility to manage, but a gift from God - entrusted to parents to nurture, guide, and disciple in the ways of the Lord.

At the same time, we must acknowledge that not everyone receives this gift in the same way. Some live with the quiet pain of infertility, others carry the grief of miscarriage, and many wrestle with circumstances beyond their control. The Bible does not condemn those who are unable to have children, nor does it overlook the faithful service of couples who honour God in other ways, like “parenting” others in the faith (discipleship).

In all seasons of life, our calling remains the same: to trust God, to walk faithfully with Him, and to serve Him wholeheartedly wherever He has placed us.