5 & 6 Jul 2025 (Pastoral Page) CHANGING OUR MINDS ABOUT CHANGE

By Elder Lynette Shek

I have probably mentioned that I look through my old journals every now and then. I have kept a journal for more than 30 years of my life, and it is helpful to look through them once every few years to see how much God has done in my life. On reviewing my journals recently, I realised that a recurrent theme over the years has been the fact that I lack discipline, that I need more self-control in different areas of my life. I wrote a few years back that I need discipline with regards to the use of my phone, online games I play, what time I sleep and the food I eat. This got me wondering as to why I struggle so much with this.

We often think that if we need to be more disciplined or have self-control, we should make resolutions and try our best to keep them. I read an article on the internet that said, “Happiness, success, and fulfilment stem from focus and self-control. Why? Because with discipline and self-control we accomplish more of the goals we truly care about. Self-discipline is the bridge between goals defined and goals accomplished. Set clear goals and have an execution plan. Put it on your calendar, your to-do list…… - whatever works best for you.” We do that when it comes to spiritual things as well, don’t we? We set alarms to remind us to have our quiet time and we put reminders as our lock screens to pray. We use external signals to remind us to do something, as though the motivation, the drive, comes from an external locus.

Such behaviour modification is occasionally helpful, but it is often not adequate for transformation. It does not reach the root of the human problem, which is the character of the inner life. Jesus, when he talked about the Kingdom of God, repeatedly places the emphasis on inner change, on inner transformation (Matt 5-7; 23:26 and others).

How do we teach someone to change, to modify their behaviour? For children, we often set boundaries, or we discipline them if they do wrong. This has its place, certainly, but is there also, in parallel, another, perhaps better, way? Would you rather your spouse stay in the marriage because of possible punishment if he or she strayed, or would you rather a spouse love you so much that he or she would not dream of hurting you, but instead thinks of ways to show care?

Discipline comes from the root word disciple, which originates from the Latin word “discipulus” meaning “learner” or “pupil”. As we look at how we learnt from our parents, or how our children learn from us, do we not see that a lot of it is through modelling, that we are disciples of our parents? A disciple is someone who loves you, wants to belong with you and to follow you. Disciple-ing is the very opposite of punishment or of instilling self-control by force or punitive measures.

Perhaps we have to change our minds about changing our behaviour. Your experience may be the same as mine, where there were times when I seemed to be permanently stuck at some places of transformation, no matter how hard I tried. I would like to suggest that we need to let go and allow God to do the change in us, the change that is from the Holy Spirit. We need to develop an authentic relationship with God that is vibrant enough to change us from the inside out to the person God wants us to be. This change, this spiritual development, is mostly received, because, without the help of the Holy Spirit, we will struggle to change. God will do for us and in us what we cannot do for ourselves. Of course, we also have a part to play. But our part is not onerous, and as we fall more in love with Jesus, it becomes a great joy. Our part is to make space and time to connect with God through prayer, the reading of His word, personal reflection, repentance and quiet listening. Take time to develop a love relationship with Jesus. What’s love got to do with it, you ask? Everything! May you take time to develop a love relationship with Jesus which will unlock the doors to the transformation so many of us need and desire.